The Sun Still Rises

Two nights ago, our teacher and Lord, stooped to wash our feet.  Well, it had been a long journey and we were all very tired and weary. We were wondering where we would stay and it was almost Passover.  Jesus told us where to go and what to say and that we would surely have a place.  He always had faith.

The water felt good. Clean. And the oils smelled heavenly. Comforting. Jesus took his time, caring for our feet.  The feet that walked miles and miles with him. Days and nights, I've tried to listen.  I've wandered and wondered. I've done a lot of that nowadays.  Wandering. Wondering.  What all of this means.  I mean, I know what my past has been like.  I know how I was raised.  I know what Ive always done. And now, I just pick up and leave with Jesus where things look different, sound different, become new.  When Jesus washed our feet, he said that this was an example and we must do this, also. We promised him we would.  He wasn't specific as to whose feet to wash so I will find people in need. So, I plan to do that.  I will clean the feet of those who have been on long journeys. I will try and remember the comfort I felt when Jesus washed mine and give that to others. Well, I was thinking of doing that at the time. 

It was a long night after that supper.  We went into a garden and our eyes drooped with sleep and weariness. We had just eaten our meal with Jesus and our bellies were full and with all the drama it seemed like Jesus was extra weary, too. Everything he said to us and everything he did was like he was saying goodbye. I just didn't understand what Jesus was saying at the time.  He was so frustrated and disappointed that we couldn't stay awake.  But it was too quiet in the garden.  It was peaceful and Jesus kept leaving us.  We tried to keep each other company, but maybe we needed to have insisted on keeping Jesus company. Maybe we could have stayed awake if Jesus stayed with us. He told us to stay and keep watch.  Watch for what? It was a garden. If I had only known. Then they came and took him away.

The sun still came up, even though we had been awake all night. Wandering. Wondering. I never thought I'd see the light of day.

Then we saw the crowds and there were those who didn't even know him and they were just joining in. They hadn't spent any time with him and they were shouting, too.  Then, I recognized some of those in the crowd.  A few people were there on one of those days when Jesus spoke about all those who are blessed. Blessed are the poor in spirit, those who weep and mourn, who are persecuted. So many blessings. And they were now yelling accusations, too.  I can't believe it! The end result was not what I had expected.  So many hateful people. I've decide that I'm not going to wash their feet. I don't care what Jesus said to do.  I saw what they did to him. How can I go and be an example after what they did to him, what they shouted at him?

Then they crucified him.  They CRUCIFIED him! What are we to do now?  I must still be in shock because I'm just staring at a barred door and the tears are now dried to my face, still with me, but dry.  My eyes are swollen and I can barely see.  They murdered my friend.  I was with him day and night for what seemed like years.  I knew him to be kind to everyone. He welcomed everyone.  He welcomed me and that was saying something.  I never claimed to be perfect, but Jesus didn't want perfect.  He wanted me and my brokenness.  Because in brokenness and in what seemed lifeless, he always would say something or do something to mend it, to heal it, bring life back to it. He had a new way of looking at how he thought life should be.  It was kind of like a clay pot that had been knocked off the table and then put back together.  You can still feel and see where it was broken, but you could still use it.  Well, after what happened last night...I'm heart broken.  I'm spirit broken.  I'm physically broken.  I'm just staring at the wall wondering what will become of this. Of me. Of us. Jesus isn't here to heal it or mend it. My clay pot is shattered to pieces and nothing can fix this. NOTHING!

The sun still rose this morning and Jesus is in a tomb.  He is IN A TOMB!  He was right here a minute ago and now he is shut away in a dark, cold, lifeless place.  The mobs have gone home.  They got what they wanted.  We're scared.  Will they do the same thing to us?  I'm to go out and wash people's feet? I'm supposed to bring comfort? How can I do that? I saw how quickly they turned on Jesus. They could just as easily turn on me. 

Again I'm wondering and wandering.  Even though it's in a small room with everyone else who was close to Jesus. We're pacing the floor and our minds are soaring with questions, with images of his death.  You just can't unsee that. You can't forget that. You can't erase what happened.  You can't turn back the clock. What now?

Darkness will come soon today and Jesus will still be in that cold, dark tomb. Tomorrow, I imagine, the sun will rise and I'll think about what Jesus said about being an example. I'll think about all those things Jesus taught us and how I can go out and be an example of how the world Jesus spoke of should be. The world sometimes looks different when the sun rises.

"In Days Of Auld Lang Syne"

While the day of Christmas is now in the past (albeit a day), let us not forget we are still in the Christmas and holiday season.  We bask in the aftermath and glow of family, friends, dinners, presents and our old and (for some of us) new holiday traditions. Let us not throw all of it aside just yet.  Let's see how long we can make the Christmas spirit last.  As we come out of the hustle and bustle, we still have another holiday coming our way...New Year's Day.  I've been thinking a lot about the New Year, lately.  And the song "Auld Lang Syne" comes to my mind.  I've never really picked up the tradition in singing it, but I think I might have to now that I've been pondering its meaning. We hear it in many holiday films (When Harry Met Sally, It's a Wonderful Life, to name a couple). But, I've been wondering what this song really means to me.

Matt has started a new call with a church in Indiana.  In November, we moved from Colorado to Indiana. It was an exciting adventure and a bit scary at the same time.  We were leaving routines, jobs, friends, favorite restaurants and even a few favorite watering holes.  All the people and places we've known for 6 years. Very hard to leave. (But, we've done it before; going to seminary, moving to Matt's internship site, back to seminary and then to his first call as a pastor).  It was never easy to leave family and friends every time we had to do that. This may have been the hardest because we were in Colorado for the longest period of time. Moving on is difficult, exciting, scary and depressing and just an emotional roller coaster.  So, we are now settling into Indiana. And now we are finding new restaurants, finding a new routine, making more friends.  And while we are making new traditions and meeting new people, all of the things we have left behind in places past (Oregon, Columbus, Nashville and now Colorado) we will never forget.  And that brings the celebratory song we sing during the New Year to my mind.

Auld Lang Syne asks us a question.... "Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?  Should old acquaintance be forgot in days of auld lang syne" (meaning days of old)?  Well, should we?  Should we forget it all?  Then the song goes on and we sing in favor of the old days. "For auld lang syne, my dear, For auld lang syne, We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet, For auld lang syne!" Maybe the meaning is to sing of the old days and think of them fondly (have a glass to raise to the past) as we move to other things that our lives bring.  This song has definitely been on my mind lately and I'm keeping this song on my heart.

I guess it's a question we all ask ourselves from year to year as we renew our resolutions, kept and "slightly" kept, events that we want to, indeed, forget, or memories that we now cherish everyday.  Some of us will answer the question to the song with a resounding "Yes! I just want to forget this year and all the days of old"...Some of us would say..."Well, some of it is certainly forgettable!" And then I would put myself in the category of answering the song with a "No!".  I want to remember my acquaintances and keep them close to my heart.  I want to remember the blessings throughout and I want to remember the painful times, as we can sometimes find more blessings in the midst of them and really see how we are still standing.  While I don't necessarily want to relive them, I don't think I want to forget them. I do believe that our past somehow shapes us and educates us on how we can choose to move forward.

When midnight comes on January 1st, 2013, I will raise my glass to my old friends and to my new ones, too, to my old routines and to the new ones, to my favorite places and to my new favorite places.  It will all be NOT "forgotten".  I will bring it all to mind. I may have had to move on, but I will not forget.  I will keep hold of my acquaintances (new and from over the years).  I will take a cup of kindness and toast to the old days and look forward to the new days of 2013.  Happy New Year to you all!

A Ukulele, Ian Somerhalder and Saving the World

"You want to play the what?" my friend said with a laugh.  "The U-KU-LE-LE!" I said.  "Um. Why?" she said.  "Um.  Why the heck not?" I said.  And so, the adventures with the Ukulele begin.  I actually found a local Ukulele group that meet once a month and I know one of the ladies who attends the group.  She is the one that promptly invited me when I mentioned the daring word, Ukulele.  She had a spare Ukulele and got me started with learning a few chords.  You see, I've always had a dream, hanging out in the back of my head, to play the guitar.  I have borrowed guitars and borrowed music and youtube-d the "How-to's" for beginning guitar, but it was frustrating, because I have short stubby fingers and couldn't manipulate them enough to reach certain chords.  And only until recently did I put together the cheery sound of a Ukulele with the fact that they are smaller and my stubby little fingers could maybe, actually, form a chord.

How do you feel when you hear "Somewhere over the Rainbow" played and sung by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole?  Or Matthew Morrison (from Glee) demonstrating his mad Ukulele skills? Or when Jason Mraz sings "I'm yours"?  Oh sure, we remember (if you're old enough) Tiny Tim and his trademark Ukulele singing "Tiptoe, Through the Tulips", but it seems that the Ukulele is making a comeback into many songs or maybe the ukulele has always been there, but now we have recognized it as cool, hip and happy.  Personally, it reminds me of Dole Whips before entering the Enchanted Tiki Room, but that's another blog post for another day.  Either way, I decided I needed to bring a bit of happiness back into my life (did I mention being a pastor's spouse is sometimes not so happy?).  I think learning a new instrument that can bring happiness of a tropical oasis, and makes any song sound uplifting is a good thing in my book and should be tried at least once in your life.  I found out on Wednesday that my fat, stubby fingers can fit around the neck of the Ukulele perfectly and I've already learned about 5 chords. I have been able to play a few songs even with only trying this out for 3 days. "On Top of Old Smokey" has never sounded the same since! No, that's a good thing!

I highly recommend learning something new and trying it out and making a new change.  It's refreshing and can be fun.  If you've always wanted to dance, take a dance lesson.  If you want to learn a new language, find a community class.  If you want a new way to exercise, might I suggest Zumba?  You're never to old to learn something new!  Take a chance and make yourself happy, today, right now, right this minute! 

On the same topic of learning something new and doing something that makes me happy, this Sunday is Earth Day.  OK, that part wasn't really new, but if you forgot or if you didn't know about Earth Day, it is April 22nd.  Last December, I learned of a wonderful non-profit group, the IS Foundation.  Their Mission Statement is as follows:

"The IS FOUNDATION aims to empower, educate and collaborate with people and projects to positively impact the planet and its creatures."  

Now if the above statement is something you believe in and/or agree with, I highly recommend you check them out.  I have chosen this foundation as one that I will continue to support in my life by educating myself about our planet, environment and all of God's creation and trying to make it a better place little by little every single day.  Ian Somerhalder is the founder of this foundation and I learned of his organization through my vampire obsession.  Yes, he's a vampire on the Vampire Diaries and some of you may even remember him from the TV show "Lost".  We will most likely put people on the planet Mars before we find out the cause of women and their vampire obsessions, but anywho, by watching the show, it led me to his foundation.  The IS Foundation is on facebook and their website is (http://www.isfoundation.com/) and it has all the latest news about legislation, volunteering and getting involved in your community to help our planet flourish for years to come.  Check them out and learn something new today! 

Ian Somerhalder is my hero and I'm so happy to be a supporter of his foundation.  He is saving the world little by little, every day, and I get to help.  And while I've never met the man (maybe one day I will get to and I would most likely squeal with joy or die of embarrassment, because I might or might not have fainted) what he has created in his foundation and seeing the energy that he has to changing our planet for the better, and he will always be an inspiration for me to do the same. 

Now that is something we can be happy about <cue in the Ukulele music>!

How Will You Make Your Cup to Runneth Over?

I've been thinking....I know...uh oh...now what!  Well, I have been thinking and lately I've wondered if we truly need to think of another way to actually "do" church.   I have recently heard several comments from members that have upset me a tad and the one common theme has been "I just don't get filled when I go to church".  While this thinking kind of angers me because my knee jerk response is "What you put into it is what you get out of it", I have to think about new ways we can truly be filled without it always sounding so selfish.  And I still truly believe that if we all put our time and talents (and not just our treasures) into church whether it's worship, fellowship, lay ministries, community outreach, etc.. we will receive much more than we can imagine. 

But the reality is that people go to church nowadays to be filled with warm fuzzies and when they do not feel it, they stop coming, they stop participating, they stop giving.  People do the bare minimum to get by.  Church has become an individualistic institution where we arrive to the building and sit in our usual place and let others do all the work (unless we've signed up for a duty that day).  We walk in and sit down and possibly peruse through the bulletin and when we discover we might be singing a new song that we don't know or not singing our favorite hymn, we're disappointed.  We walk through worship with a disappointed heart.  Then we hear the sermon and since it wasn't maybe what we wanted to hear, we are again, disappointed.  Maybe some days we want people to walk up to us and ask us how things are or in a sense, "mind read" that we need someone to talk to us.  I can tell you that no one is a mind reader (Not even Shawn Spencer from Psych or Patrick Jane from the Mentalist), and no matter how much we'd like to believe it that also includes the pastor.  So, on that note, if you need something, by God, tell someone!  However, no one walks up to you and asks you how you are, and again, more disappointment.  Now you walk out of church not getting your way with anything in today's worship.  You sit and fester about it and decide to complain to others about it or you decide to stop coming for awhile.

Church has become selfish and individualistic for many people.  We have become a consumerist society.  We go church shopping to find the right church for our needs.  We tithe to the church we choose and if the church is not doing what we think they should be doing, we pull our funding.  We stop volunteering for events in the church because we don't like what they're doing or we're not interested in what they do.  If you don't like the produce at one grocery store, you just go to another.  We view church the same way.

I propose a challenge to everyone.  What if we were to walk into church with the intention of filling someone else other than ourselves? What if you woke up on Sunday morning and said to yourself, "I'm going to walk into church and make sure I walk up to someone and ask them how they are doing!", "I'm going to sing every hymn like it's my absolute favorite".  You never know, the song you are singing might not be your favorite, but maybe the person sitting next to you desperately needs to hear this message.  Sing out and participate in filling someone else!  So, the sermon isn't exactly what you wanted to hear.  Take notes and really reflect on one or two points of the sermon that jumps out at you.  Ask the pastor questions about it.  Ask one another.  Maybe the message in the sermon rang true for someone sitting in the back row.  Be there for them to help them be filled with the message.  You might end up being filled and you don't even know it!

If you know of someone who has an idea or wants to organize an event, instead of saying "That's a good idea....I won't come because I don't want to, or don't care about that, or better you do that, than me", say instead "I will go to support you in your ministry!".  "I see that this is important to you and I will support you in this ministry or event, or potluck or whatever it may be."    I see, too often, that people will not verbally shoot down people's ministries.  They shoot them down by not being there and showing support.   To me, that's worse than telling someone you won't come.  We had a member work really hard to purchase equipment for us to start a Sat. evening worship service.  And when we had all the equipment and we had the service sorted out on power point, the day came to start it and only 3 people showed up (and that included myself and the pastor and it didn't even include the person who wanted to start this project).  Each week on Sat. evening no one showed up.  The "if you build it, they will come" mentality is dead.  It doesn't work.  You HAVE to have members come and truly support this ministry.  Just leaving it for someone else to do it will not help any ministry for outreach or spirituality or worship, etc... successful. 

We have to really be in it for each other in order for anything to be successful.  Not just the same 10% of people that show up for everything.  Eventually, even those people get tired and there is no one around to fill them up again either. 

I challenge you to go to church (or to work or any function that you may be attending this week) and go for others.  Be there for others!  Support others! Don't think about how much you are or aren't being filled.  Think about how you can fill others today, tomorrow, each Sunday.  What you put into it is what you get out of it! I bet that when more and more people let go of the "me mentality" and start showing care and concern for others, with no expectations of receiving anything in return,  we will then truly receive the greatest reward and that our cups will runneth over. How will you make your cup to runneth over?

My Happy Place

A little over a year ago, I found my happy place.  When I'm getting a massage or at a spa party and someone says to go to my happy place, I go to someplace unusual and uncommon to most happy places.  And recently, I find myself going there more and more.  I've had lots of stress in my life as of late and I feel I almost need that happy place every day now.  When most people day dream of their happy place, they envision oceans, beaches, cool breezes, solitude, but not me.  When someone tells me to go to my happy place I envision crowds, smells of baked goods and desserts and the sound of ragtime music.  As I make my way down the street I hear laughter of kids squealing with delight (or screaming their heads off depending on the time of day).  I hear people talking about their game plan of how to tackle the day.  As I continue strolling, I turn to the right to the Market House where I smell freshly ground coffee and the sounds of the early morning.  Old fashioned telephones are situated in the market house to enjoy the old time conversations of party lines.  Conversations of no importance tie up the party lines and it brings giggles to the people eavesdropping.   I make my way through the line, conversing with the people around me, who are at first, total strangers but within minutes become friends on the journey.  The smell of the coffee is getting stronger now.  I'm now the next person in line and order my medium coffee with a touch of room for cream and Splenda.  I saunter over to the condiment counter and doctor up the coffee.  Sounds of main street music, bells and horns of the main street vehicles and the clippity clop of the horse drawn cars waft in as I get lost in stirring my coffee.  I make my way out to the umbrella patio tables and chairs.  Shade is plenty in this little hidden treasure.  The fruit cart hides the area away from the hustle and bustle.  The caffeinated beverages warms my throat all the way down to my toes.  I close my eyes and enjoy every sound, smell and taste of this place.  All of a sudden I hear an out of tune piano playing up in the second story window.  A woman is giving a piano lesson.  Then in another window, a man starts yelling because his shower is too cold and we get to hear his morning routine of gargling and singing in the shower.  There is a dentist drilling on a patient in another window.  It's fun to hear the soundtracks play in those second story windows.  Time slowly passes by with each sip of my coffee as I watch people rush to the many lands offered to each guest.  I am totally and completely content with people watching.  I smile knowing all the fun that awaits once the coffee cup is empty.  I pack my coffee receipt away. I remind myself to remember and save the coffee receipt, as I get free refills all day. 

Anytime I want to relive my morning ritual in this happy place, I can do so.  And I'm off to be the kid at heart that I always know is waiting to escape.  I've been blessed to be able to be at my happy place twice in 12 months and I hope, one day soon, I'll get to go back. But for now, I can relive the memories when I freshly brew my own cup of coffee and sip the warm yummy beverage from my favorite Snow White mug, play the Main Street music on my iPod, and go to my happy place-The Coffee Spot on Main Street, USA in Disneyland, Anaheim, California.

I hope you all have a happy place that you can go to when things get stressful.  Take time away from all the madness in your life.  Find little memories and mementos to remind you and you can travel to your happy place anytime you want.  I hope you all can go visit you happy places sometime soon, in person, but in the meantime, have fun creating your happy place and visiting your place often. 

The Battle of Endo

Yes, the title sounds like an episode from Star Wars.  Unfortunately, there aren't cute little Ewoks running around in this battle.  As some of you may know (and some of you may not know) last July, I was diagnosed with Endometriosis.  It's actually a very common disease in women and the symptoms vary with each person.  One of the main symptoms is infertility. So, I've been coming to terms with not being able to have kids (physically).  Some days are better than others.  I guess today isn't really a good day, since I actually want to blog about it.  There are definitely other options that we're looking at and adoption is top on the list.  Fertility doctors and in vitro procedures are too expensive for a pastor and secretary's pocketbook and with my prognosis, it might not really be worth the try, pain and heartache to do those procedures. 

But the main reason I'm even blogging about this is for many of you to know about this disease.  As of now, there is no cure.  None.  But there are ways of healing and ways of keeping some of the symptoms at bay.  Symptoms run from moodiness, PMS-like symptoms (but sometimes about 10 times worse), infertility, digestive problems, headaches, anxiety, lower back pain, fatigue, depression, hypoglycemia, and many other symptoms linked with our reproductive organs.  Also, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is more common in women with endometriosis, as well as, Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, and Rheumatoid Arthritis.  We don't know how a woman gets Endometriosis, although it could very well be genetic.

So, what is it?  Ok, I'm going to get a tad graphic here, but it's my daily life and it's something I deal with all the time, so it's just what I live with on a daily basis.  Basically, the lining that a woman sheds each month (which is normal for all women) but for women with Endometriosis, the lining ends up going through her system and that lining adheres to other organs in the body, causing lesions, pain and sometimes ruining the reproductive organs.  The Dr. that performed my surgery (which determined my diagnosis) found this lining even in my hip, as well as my ovaries and uterus. 

Ok, what can be done?  Well, there are lots of artificial and sometimes harmful ways to alleviate the pain.  One type is a hormone shot that was actually created for men with prostate cancer.  Um. No thank you. There are types of surgeries that can be done, but some women go through life having many surgeries in their lifetime.  I'm learning a lot about diet and herbal supplements, massage, acupuncture, that can possibly benefit in the healing of symptoms of this disease.  There are a lot of foods I should and shouldn't eat to help with a lot of my symptoms.  And while it's hard to do, it can become a matter of quality of life vs. a miserable daily life.

Did you know that it is estimated that over 70 million women suffer from Endometriosis.  It is more common than breast cancer or AIDS and despite the amount of women who have this disease, not many people know about it and there is still no cure.  On one of the more popular sites (www.endo-resolved.com) dedicated to Endometriosis, it says "Endometriosis is serious. It is affecting millions of women around the world. It is not simply disrupting women’s lives, it can be devastating for most women. It affects her health, her quality of life, her possibilities of having children, her income earning potential, her emotional well-being, her relationships, her sex life, her economics if she lives in a country where she has to pay for treatment, her social life; in essence it affects her entire life."  I also have a friend, Melissa, in New Zealand who has a blog full of information and hope for women who suffer from Endometriosis.  Check out her blog: www.cureendometriosis.com

So, it's a lot to take in.  It's a lot of information.  It's sometimes too much for me to digest on some days.  And it's also important to shout it from the roof tops to make people aware that this is out there.  You never know, it might help someone in the long run that you know about this disease.

Remember to be kind to one another and live life to the fullest.  Don't take each other for granted and live in every moment! 

Life in an ABBA song

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

Some of you are too young to know or care about the Swedish Pop Group, ABBA.  Some of you danced to the remixes of Dancing Queen and Lay All Your Love On Me (Erasure and Tribute cds) in college and some of you danced in the living room to their 8 Tracks.  Ya, I said it!  8-Tracks!!!  When I hear an ABBA song, memories flood my brain.  I am instantly happy.  I sing along.  Happy.  I secretly dance while vacuuming, as I have my iPod running the entire ABBA box set.  Contentment.  Who would have thought cleaning the house would be this much fun?

There are songs about happiness and love and heart-break and sadness; fun, memories, friendships, dreams, and all the good stuff that a song can possibly contain.  One of my favorite movies of all time is Muriel's Wedding.  If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it!  It's about a young girl, who saw herself as nothing, was told she was nothing and believed it, but through a friend, some gumption and her ABBA songs, she found out who she was (through thick and thin).  "Mamma Mia", the musical, has been out since 1999 and as we've seen in the musical (and recently in film), life can truly be told in an ABBA song.  Some people may say that life should be more than just a song, but even the most simple songs have so many intricacies.  The words, the melody, the harmonies, the bridge, the intro, the instruments all weaving together to produce a sense of happiness in the soul.    

"Standing calmly at the crossroad, no desire to run.
There's no hurry anymore, when all is said and done."

So, (if you're an ABBA fan) what ABBA song tells a story in your life?  Break out the old LPs, or cds, iTunes library, or if you're a die hard, pull out the 8 track and find your favorite ABBA song.  Play it. Play it Again.  Sing at the top of your lungs.  Smile and be happy that something as simple as a song from a 70's pop group can flood your mind of memories and you can find life again in an ABBA song!  I've always related to "Thank you for the music".  My life is in this song and I turn around and thank ABBA for all the music they sang and wrote.  I will always be a fan and always see my life in an ABBA song.

"I'm nothing special, in fact I'm a bit of a bore
If I tell a joke, you've probably heard it before
But I have a talent, a wonderful thing
'Cause everyone listens when I start to sing
I'm so grateful and proud
All I want is to sing it out loud

So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me"